So I had this sketch idea.
We pitched on it for like five minutes, and a lot of laughs were had, but we all agreed to let this one go.
See, I think it would be so funny to have a guy sitting at his desk, and his boss comes in, and the boss says “Jeff, I’m sorry, but we’ve got to let you go.”
And Jeff can’t believe it. He’s one of - if not the - most productive official report filers in the the company. He’s exceeded his official report quota every week for the last ten years. But apparently times have changed, the industry’s evolving, and they’ve found themselves with a redundancy. They’ve got to let one of their two report filers go, and they’ve decided to keep Goldmember on instead of Jeff.
"Goldmember?" Jeff asks.
“Yeah, Goldmember. Higher ups decided we’re keeping him.”
“Like from Austin Powers?”
“Yeah, that’s the guy.”
“The guy that loves gold and eats his own dead skin.”
“Yeah, Jeff. How many times are you going to say it?”
“Goldmember is real?”
“Jeff clear out your desk.”
"You can’t do this sketch unless you actually get Mike Myers, though," Kyle says.
“No no no no, that’s the whole idea. The whole joke is that we’re doing this with one of our actors. It’s like… ok like the meta idea is that New Money thinks doing a sketch with the character Goldmember is allowed. Like we think it would be perfectly ok to just do a Borat sketch with one of our actors-“
“Right but Goldmember is so much funnier than Borat. Goldmember is exactly the perfect choice for this idea,” says Dave.
“Nobody will understand that and also it’s bad, though,” says someone else.
There was also a lot of disagreement over the actual premise of the fake sketch this fictional New Money thought was good. See I’m positing that this is a world where Goldmember from Austin Powers in: Goldmember played himself. Outside of that gig, he works at this company, filing reports.
"Wait, no, no, it would be that Mike Myers played him, but in this sketch we meet the real guy that Goldmember was based on," Kyle or Dave or Aaron says.
“No no no, he played himself. But we have Echo play him in the sketch.”
“Hahahahaha god, that is exactly wrong.”
“Right, but I think that’s why it’s funny. “
“So Echo Kellum is playing a guy named Goldmember that played himself in Austin Powers in: Goldmember.”
“And he like does the voice and everything.”
“Yeah, like his best Goldmember.”
Everyone is laughing because obviously this is the WORST SKETCH, but there would be screams of laughter coming from the performer wings of the theatre, we think, while the rest of our audience is silent.
"So Mike Myers played everyone else. Doctor Evil and Fat Bastard and-"
“That’s an option, but we could also say that Austin Powers played everyone else.”
“Yeah, Austin Powers played himself, and Doctor Evil, and Fat Bastard.”
“But Goldmember played himself.”
“So who is Mike Myers?”
“Mike Myers is an actor that died in 1990 while shooting So I Married An Axe Murderer.”
“Right, he was killed because he hired a real axe murderer.”
“No he died when a prop gun was accidentally loaded with real bullets.”
Anyway we’ll never do this sketch, and I think it may be my Pale King.